Jun 14

Written by: Rodney Joyce
14/06/2006

When you've lived in one of the most popular capitals in the world you become a hotel for travellers from "back home" passing through. At one stage we had peeps staying over every couple of weeks. It's is cool, but it went too far when they started watching me DIY or used my PC to sorf for p0rn when I need to do research etc. So to make it easier to understand I compiled a list of rules to live and die by if you wanna stay at Casa Irwell - I decided to share them here if you are in the same boat (it's hard to say "no" sometimes)

A Dossers Handbook - Casa Irwell – Rules to live and die by…

 

Whilst you are dossing at Casa Irwell, please bear in the following in mind:

 

• You are scum. We (Rod, Glenn and Laura) have graciously allowed you to sleep on our couch for a short time while you sort your sh%$ out… appreciate it. We all pay for the privilege of staying at the palace that is Casa Irwell, so we may beat you with sticks if you get in the way… you are a guest in our LIVING ROOM (note: not dossers bedroom)…

 

• There is a £20 a week charge for all dossers to pay for bills, but this will be wavered at Rod’s discretion… we are not a hotel, and definitely not a free hotel.

 

• Instead of paying £100 a week (London Rent + bills), you are the Kitchen Bitch! Despite the fun-sounding name, this means you are responsible for the tidiness of the kitchen at all times and you need to do the dishes every night… inspections will be carried out frequently by the Modern Major General.

 

• You will deposit a Lady Godiva (£5) into the little jar in the kitchen to pay for house arbitraries… this is a once off. We do it… you can too… (donations are welcome).

 

• You will buy your own food and humbly ask for a small section of the fridge. You may use the kitchen appliances as part of your prestigious new title. Do not eat other peoples food… it tends to annoy them.

 

• Casa Irwell, although a palace, is still a small palace, so don’t bring uninvited guests around or throw house parties, unless we are invited and agree. Do not make unnecessary noise.

 

• The fact is, although you are more than welcome as dosser, the 3 of us have to live here, and we do pay a lot of money for the privilege, so you can’t dos here longer than a week, unless permission from all parties is graciously granted.

 

• If you are lucky we can give you a key. If you loose it you buy a new one, and a case of beer for the inconvenience.

 

• Do NOT touch any computer you see (there’s a couple) without permission. We may let you use our stuff at our discretion… Do not venture into anyone’s room without permission.

 

• You can watch TV, DVDs etc… but for $%$% sake put things back where you found them – that’s common sense…

 

• Rod likes to work on the computer late (look at pictures of stuff on web) so if you need to sleep early than bring ear plugs and one of those fancy sleeping masks from an aeroplane. In fact, you will usually find him in the Living Room on the computer at all times (or call an ambulance)

 

• All decisions need to be vetoed by ALL members of the ruling party… we all live here so we all have a say. Majority rules.

 

• Don’t let me catch you smoking my stuff, drinking my stuff, and if you bring any of those girls up here, make sure I meet ‘em first! And since you gonna be such a smartass, make sure you organise the DVDs in alphabetical order (not).

 

• Of course, you are free to leave if you don’t agree with this; it’s been a pleasure…

 

By Order,  Casa Irwell

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