Apr 4

Written by: Rodney Joyce
04/04/2007

The other day I did my usual Tesco shop. People often wonder why I order it online when there's a Tesco at Canada Water only a 5 minute walk away.

Thing is...

a) I am a busy man (writing blogs and making PokerDIY the #1 poker social networking site in the world and stuff is hard work!
b) Time is Money. FSS people - do the maths. If it takes me 1 hour to do a shop and I earn £150 an hour and it costs me £4 to get someone else to do it, then it is worth outsourcing. This simple calculation can be applied to just about any activity and can save you time, thereby saving you money, which saves your time until you explode in a infinite loop of logicalness.
c) I live on the 3rd floor of my palatial estate and I'd rather pay some other idiot £4 to lug it up the stairs

So.. what are my favourite things when it comes to groceries and food?

Well I am from Africa, so I am a firm believer in the big 5 - 5 vegetables/fruit keeps the doctor away or some rubbish (this silly saying is up there with my mothers fav - "if you have sweets before supper you wont eat your dinner". In all my 29 years I have NEVER left my dinner cos I had a sweet before it. Enough on that, it makes me angry.

So... the big 5 - my fav vegetables are Potatoes, Mushrooms, Onions, Peppers and if I have to, Beans. I try to stick to the first 3 but occasionally I am forced to graze on the green stuff. If nuts are a vegetable then I'll have those over beans.

But no more on my fav. vegetables - I have work to do - I actually wanted to show you my favourite food - here is a photo of my tesco order... as you can see it is just a few bits and bobs - what I call the bare essentials:



Some cereal (some idiot branded it "Kids Cereal" on the website). What a twit. And it's a FACT - Tesco Rice Snaps beat Kellogs Rice Crispies in a fight ANY DAY! They are also cheaper, which makes it automatically on my fav. food list. Alcohol has always been a friend of mine. A wise man (hint- it was me) once said, and I quote:

"Alcohol makes my journey towards my inevitable death slighly more bearable".

I was a bit depressed at the time as my lovely ex-gfriend of 7 years (young Tammy, who will always be my first ;) and I split up, but enough about that - everything is cool now (we still good mates and I have the utmost respect for her!) but I still like the odd tipple, so some good did come of those 7 years after all.

So... the odd bottle of hard spirits (you'll notice I did not buy my usual Captain Morgan (sorry Charl) but I am trialling Tesco's finest dark rum). If they can make good rice crispies it stands to reason that they can make good rum (Vodka is made from rice in some countries (I think) and that is a spirit too, so Rum is quite similar to Rice Crispies, except it is a hard spirit and not a cereal - actually that reminds me - Brett and I once had Vodka and Rice Crispies, and it was not so tasty... which may disprove my theory so I will change the subject).

I also have a thing for Gaymers Cider, which contrary to what my mates say does NOT make you gay! I am proof of this (ask any 21 year old nurse if I am gay - ok lets change the subject). Note- I am not homophobic in the slighest! I often buy the Big Issue.

And then of course the basic food groups - bread, yorkshire puddings (possibly my favourite thing in the whole world) and some milk for the cereal. If you have ever been to my cornershop when the cute little English kids are out playing around with their knives and baseball bats then you will also buy your milk (or "Mulk" as I used to say to bug my dad) online. I can honestly say that a pint of the white stuff (NO, I am not gay) is my favourite tipple - I even invented the drink "SugarMilk"

I was going to patent it but instead I will share it here so that everyone will know that I invented it first when it catches on.

Firstly - the ingredients - you will need:

1. Milk (red is best for your weight, green is a good balance and blue tastes the best by far!)
2. Sugar

First, pour the milk into a beaker of sorts (a glass is best - dunno why but milk tastes better in a glass than a platsic cup). Add the sugar (the quantity is up to you, but I usually 2 teaspoons if I have played squash 3 times that week or 1 if I have been drinking 3 times that week).

Mix well and consume (guard it well - I have seen best friends fight over a glass of "SugarMilk".

Don't tell my old work, but I would often make a glass of SugarMilk to cure a hangover when I used to be in the old rat-race (milk was free, and so was sugar, so it was a natural conclusion)

Right... that's enough for now...

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