I know a couple of an@l
peeps, you know, the type that exhibit strange behaviour and act like complete
freaks with no explainable excuse – that’s just the way they are… you could
point out to them that they are an@l, but this would probably only make the
person more so! So you coexist side-by-side in harmony, and hope they never
get violent.
Anyway – recently my good
friend Joff (names obscured for safety’s sake – never risk the wrath of an an@l
person – it’s up there with a woman scorned (a scorned an@l woman is amongst
the deadliest creatures known to man!) had the following exchange (left in it’s
entirety with spelling mistakes, lack of whitespace and punctuation (ok – so I’m not perfect
either!)) with a random madman (the disadvantage of selling something to the
unwashed masses!)
Some background: Joff has a
house somewhere he is looking to rent… whilst posting an ad, he saw a House Wanted ad by Mr Smythe (if that is even his real name,
which we for sure know it’s not, cos I obsfucated it), so he answers the advert and
the following conversation ensues… is this dude an@l or what?
-----Original Message-----
From: An@l Chap
To: Joff
Subject: Re: advert - detached
to rent
Hello
I went to see your house
yesterday, and your dad is a very nice man and showed me all there is to see
and he would be a very nice landlord to have.
only one problem he has a
wierd idea about popping in (every month)? to see if the house is ok?, i am
sorry i do not wish to apper rude!, but for £500 a month i would expect to be
left alone to live in it as my home as would my girlfriend she would rightfully
not feel right about living and at that kind of rental which is quite a good
one considering rentals are inflated recently, we are adults in our thirtys and
are as such responsible people who have full autonomy over our own lives and
would feel that this was rasther an invasion of privacy quite frankly, if you
talked to your dad properly about that particular issue i would rent your house
set up a direct debit or standing order for the beginning of each month etc
with no problems.
I personally feel it would
be more realistic for your dad to could come twice a year (at most) to see if
the house was ok.
Mr smythe.
From: Joff
To: An@l Chap
Subject: Re: advert - detached
to rent
Hi Kalvin. (Rod: Notice how Joff did not conform to Mr Smythe’s
evil phsycological trick of appearing superior by signing off with his
surname!)
If you like the place and
would like to move in then i am sure we can come to some arrangement.
My Dad will be looking after
the house and may wish to call in every 3 or 6 months. This wouldn't be a check
up on yourselves but more a check of the house, ensure there is nothing needs
doing to the place and nothing needs fixing or replacing. Making sure the place
is kept to the standard you would expect basically.
Either way if he did need to
pop in then he would call ahead and it would be at your convenience. As you
say, for £500 i would not like my landlord to pop in every month either. If
that is your only reservation then i am pretty happy and i hope you are too.
Let me or my dad know what
you decide, or if you have any other queries or questions.
Thanks
Joff
PS Sorry, this is my work
email as i can't check my Yahoo account from here.
From: An@l Chap
To: Joff
Subject: Re: advert - detached
to rent
Hello Joff don't take this
the wrong way i feel i must say all this as you are the umpteen person to reply
to MY add and not get it right. I feel that checking the
house that often is still fundamentally not really all that proper! where
tenants rights are concerned twice a year is at most the law, this would
certainly leave us to feel that it was a waste of money and it technically by
law you can check but not in these excessive ways,, and therefore i will say no
on this occasion!. I feel this must be your first time renting and that makes
me quite nervous in itself, i feel that you are a little precious about your
house and i do not want to feel like a "tolken" guest in "some
one" elses house paying a good rent at the same time! you are a perfect
example of someone who does not know how to do this thing properly! and there
fore have wasted my time totally and a good 45 quid in taxi's to get there and
back and im mighty peeded off to tell you the truth so i think i will go and
buy a house. and also a fact to remember is that i know i would prefer to deal
with you personally if you are the landlord! as my add clearly states you
should not answer my add if you cannot ful fill what it clearly asks! this is
why i have asked for exact things my girl friend suffers from multiple
schlerosis,and want's right fully left alone and does not want to have to tell
everyone her buisness anyhow!! please remember the person paying is not just a
walking stupid wallet!
they are a person looking
for a home to live in just like you!!!! no
way would i accept your
family coming in and out "to check if things need done" i am sure
your dad is a nice man but i am not renting propertys to get to know every tom
dick and harry as it were i want left alone,,,,,you would have to draw up a
legally binding contract and i would not say yes to exccesive
"visiting" quite frankly!!! if i lived there it would once a year
that is enough on the day that either contract was to be extended or the
tennant leaves unless there is a genuine reason like wrekin the place then i
would understand no your terms are terrible quite frankly really at the rent
you want and the house is quite over looked by every tom dick and scrubber
anyway!! and if there is a problem i by rights would be rightfully the person
to ask the "landlord" .to come when i decide not just when it suits
you do not rent your house if you can't feel that you can let go or do not
trust the people giving you they're money i am really cross at you people....i
will really thourougly check any reply again ...
good luck
Mr smythe.
And that’s
that…. You would NOT let this guy marry your daughter (talking about Mr smythe
here – Joff is a little weird but fairly sane) Also probably not a good idea to
let this man handle heavy machinery near a Kindergarten OR let him read this
blog and get my name and kill me…